


You Called Me Simon Before

by RoyalNerd



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, First Person, I'm so sorry, M/M, dying, dying n each others arms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 22:16:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9092869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoyalNerd/pseuds/RoyalNerd
Summary: I promised him a long time ago that I would cry over his body when the time came, at the time I  think he took it as a joke, but now the time has come, I can’t move. I can see his body all the way over here.  Part of my brain refuses to accept that it’s him. “It could be anyone.” The voice in the back of my head says.The voice could be right, anyone could have those messy, curls that I love so much. I’d almost believe it if it weren’t for the wings spread out beneath him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. 
> 
> I found this on my google drive and I dont actually remember writing it, but it made me cry and I actually kind of like it, so I felt the need to share it

I promised him a long time ago that I would cry over his body when the time came, at the time I think he took it as a joke, but now the time has come, I can’t move. I can see his body all the way over here. Part of my brain refuses to accept that it’s him. “It could be anyone.” The voice in the back of my head says.The voice could be right, anyone could have those messy, curls that I love so much. I’d almost believe it if it weren’t for the wings spread out beneath him. I want to move closer. But I can’t. I’m frozen in place. I want to cry, but I can’t. I can hardly breathe. My whole world has just collapsed. The boy I love was lying dead not ten feet away from me, and I couldn’t move. My body wasn’t responding. All I could do was stare.

There was somebody next to him, holding his hand. I couldn’t even look at them, all I could focus on was Simon’s body. I must have made a noise to signal that I was there, because I heard someone say my name. I tear my eyes away from Simon, to the figure next to him. Of course. It’s Bunce, of course she’s with him. My eyes meet hers, and after a few second she says the four words that I need to hear.

“He’s still alive, Baz” 

Suddenly I’m at his side, I don’t remember moving but suddenly I’m here. One hand holding one of his, and the other on his face. His eyes half shut, and his breathing shallow. He looks like he’s barely hanging on. I can vaguely hear Bunce trying any spell she can to save him.

“Baz.” he whispers, “you’re here.” I nod, wiping away the tears that I hadn’t realised were there.  
“I’m here” I reply, “I’ll always be here.” He smiles slightly, a much more muted and pained than his normal, breathtaking smile, but still it was his smile. 

“I love you.” He says, his voice barely a whisper. A sob escapes me and I lean down and softly plant a kiss on his forehead. 

“I love you too. I always will.” He reaches up and lays his hand on my cheek, I lean into the touch and he uses his thumb to wipe a tear away. I lift my hand at lay it over his, and try to stop more tears from coming. I can still hear Bunce trying to save him, but I know it’s too late. He turns his attention to her,  
“Penny.” He says quietly, his voice barely audible, he repeats her name, a little louder this time. She stops her casting and looks at him, “Please stop. It’s no use, you’re just wasting your magic. It’s too late.”  
“No!” She sobs, and returns to her casting, more urgently this time, ignoring Simons protests. He looks back at me, his lip trembling.  
“I’m going to die Baz.” He says quietly  
“No,” I argue only half joking, “I’m going to turn you into a vampire. We’ll be stuck with each other forever.”  
“No.” He whispers again, “I’m going to die.”  
I don’t know what to say, so I just try to hold back the tears, and I don’t say anything,  
“it’s okay though. I’ll be with my mum, and Ebb. And-” he cuts himself off before he can finish the sentence. Part of me knows what he was going to say, the look in his eyes said it all, “I’m sorry.” He whispers.  
“You don’t need to apologize.” I murmur,” you don’t need to feel bad or sorry for anything.” He closes his eyes for a second, then opens them but looks away.  
“But that isn’t true. There’s a lot I need to be sorry for.” He says, “but I don’t think I have the time to apologize for all of them now.” He looks into my eyes, “please forgive me, for everything.” A sob escapes me. 

“I’m getting tired now,” He says, closing his eyes. “I think I’m gonna go to sleep.” I fight to hold back the tears and nod, “Stay with me?” He asks.  
“Of course” I choke out  
“I love you Baz.” He says quietly  
“I love you too.” I reply.  
“I’m going to go now”  
“Okay, sleep well, Snow.” I lean down and plant a kiss on his forehead. He opens his eyes a little, and smiles slightly  
“You called me Simon before.” I smile a little and his eyes close.  
“I did didn’t I?” His chest stops moving.

**Author's Note:**

> please forgive me.
> 
>  
> 
> Come shout at me on tumblr @ www.thatoneshawolinthesurveycorps.tumblr.com


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